You can’t spell “meh” without ME

Lefse

Hi All.  Yes the posts have been few and far between as of late, and virtually no outfit posts.  For shame, right?  I know.  Admittedly I’ve been feeling quite “meh” lately – I’ve been very anxious to have my post doc get underway (um, hello – I’ve been a poor grad student for nearly the last 7 years!).  Only to now find out it won’t officially be starting until January.  I will be doing some odd paid jobs here at the University, so I won’t be starving or the like.  But it certainly isn’t the same as actually earning a salary and working on another project.

It could also be with the holidays sneaking up again.  Trust me, there is almost no day that American ex-pats feel more homesick than Thanksgiving.  Missing family and friends is definitely tough, but I can’t deny the fact that I miss the food too.  Turkey barely exists here.  Lefse?  Someone says “bless you” because they think you’ve just sneezed.  Pumpkin pie?  Actually, sweet pies full stop.  Stuffing?  Pretty much the entire Thanksgiving meal doesn’t exist here, apart from mashed potatoes and green beans.

Also, I don’t want to say I’m second guessing my decision to stay another 2 years in NZ.  More like I’m regretting the fact that I’m going to be away from my family and friends for another 2 years.  And because this job is only going to be a roughly 2 year contract, that means that there is still the always present sense of temporary that I’ve been living with for – well – 7 years now (first it was a 2 [ok, 2.5] years masters, then it was a 3 [ok, 3.9] year PhD and now it’s another 2 years for a post doc at which point I really would like to try and get back to the same continent (at least!) as my family.  But essentially living somewhere long term but always being aware of how you will some day leave really does start to catch up with you.

I guess anytime you make a huge decision it is natural to have some doubts.  Not to mention there is the 2 more years of living essentially like a student but earning a salary in order to try and save some money.  *sigh*  I am hoping this past year’s exercise in (mostly) frugality will pay off, as D and I have a lot of catching up to do (earnings wise!).

And finally lets not forget that I think it’s finally soaked in that I am 30 and it is so depressing.  Things hurt that have never hurt before (knees?  seriously?).  I don’t know where those wrinkles came from but they are distressing.  And the metabolism of years past appears to be declining.

So yes, I am already looking forward to the new year and 2014.

For me to feel so “meh” is quite selfish really – especially as this is the time of year I should really be focusing on what I am thankful for!  D reminded me the other day of how good I have it.  PhD finished.  Very good job offer.  We have everything we really need (we eat well, and sure our flat isn’t super warm and we don’t really own a single nice piece of furniture, bed linen or kitchen equipment…  but those are all just things, aren’t they?).  For now, I continue to dream about having 1000 thread count Egyptian or pima cotton sheets on our bed…

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