Confessional time. So like, Vampires are all the rage at the moment. Twilight, True Blood… and tonight while sitting in the theatre alone to watch New Moon, there was a preview for some Assistant to the Vampire movie… Because, you know, there just aren’t enough vampire movies/tv shows out at the moment.
Ok, yes I went alone to see New Moon. I saw Twilight on the plane to Australia last Mar/Apr. I just finished reading the book last week and am too impatient for the second book to arrive from the library (I’m currently #4 on the waiting list…). I haven’t been to a movie in ages so hey! What the hell.
Beautiful movie. Not gonna lie. Visually stunning. Mostly Robert Pattinson giving some real smokey soul penetrating stares. I guess the scenery is beautiful too (hello Pacific Northwest!). But it had quite possibly the worst dialogue in a movie ever. Honestly, the dialogue was about as interesting as listening to two 14 year olds conversing. I suppose that is the target age group, but still, please have some consideration for those of us who aren’t 14 and might just happen to like vampires, especially when they star hotties like Pattinson? It was painful to listen to (although I’m not that surprised given the extremely poor dialogue that went on in the Twilight book). I was trying not to laugh while Bella was telling Edward “I’m coming.” And then he says, “No, I don’t want you to come.” Where is the complexity in that? Ugh!
Okay. So I happen to enjoy a lot of literature that might be classified as juvenile. I’m perfectly okay with this. I accept that I have an inner child (or in this case, insecure female teenager who just doesn’t fit in but then moves towns and suddenly is the most popular girl and she hooks up with the previously unattainable hunky and perfect vampire). And I like vampires. Always have. Interview with the Vampire – still quite possibly the best vampire movie ever made. Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Antonio Banderas as vampires? Ok, that is mostly definitely a hand of hotties that trumps poor Pattinson all by his lonesome (although apparently I’m getting old ‘cuz I thought even the actor who played Bella’s Dad was looking pretty good…. for an old guy. Although admittedly I still prefer the pasty, skinny, tall almost corpse-like guys – i.e. Pattinson). Ok sorry we’re getting a little too enthusiastic about the eye candy.
But not even Stephanie Meyer does vampires like Anne Rice (although admittedly she is starting the vampire obsession off at a slightly earlier age. Sadly I have yet to actually Anne Rice’s books. Bad Becca! Ssssh… don’t tell!). And I maintain that Interview is one of Tom Cruise and (absolutely hands down) Kirsten Dunst’s finest roles. I’m not a huge fan of TC, but he was an amazing Lestat. That to me, is exactly how a vampire would be. None of this sappy stuff (i.e. Loius and Edward).
Also must quickly mention Brahm Stoker’s Dracula (which, we must note, Dracula is a vampire but it’s a slightly different twist on the story). Okay so I’m pretty sure I’ve only seen it once, but Gary Oldman is the man! Best Dracula ever.
Back to Twilight. Yes, I do realize there is all this hype about Bella/Edward’s relationship being abusive and creepy. Okay, hi. He’s a vampire. How can it not be dysfunctional? He wants to eat her. And then she hooks up with a Werewolf. Obviously Bella has got some serious issues about moving from one dangerous relationship to another. And it’s not this is the first time young impressionable teenage girls have been exposed to literature with dysfunctional/impossible/”bad boy” relationships. I distinctly remember reading Sweet Valley High where one of the twins’ bf’s tries to kill her or something. And what about Pretty Woman? Are we not glorifying prostitution? And aren’t there like a million stories/movies/tv shows where some good girl gets with a bad boy and turns him around? Like Grease (excuse me while I vomit)?
So we’ll just take all fictional romance with a grain of salt and the realization that a real boyfriend who brings you roses is 1,000 times better than a vampire who, well, would love to suck your blood but whose love is so overpowering that he swears to protect you…
p.s. Fun fact of the day. The idea of vampires most likely originated from people who saw decomposing human bodies which bloated, but also had blood dripping from the mouth, and thereby they deduced that the dead bodies were feeding on each other. Ewww… Also the idea of rabies (which involved the fear of strong smells such as garlic, and sometimes rapid people would try to bite others!). I’m pretty sure that’s all from Wikipedia.